What I Learned From Taking a Social Media Break
Like any young adult today, my life is intertwined with the internet. As part of a larger cleanse, I was asked to take a break from social media for 30 days. I felt both excited and incredibly anxious about completely disconnecting for a month. Besides my normal feed of social content, In lieu of a tight nit local community, I rely on the sub groups of Facebook. It’s where I go to chat with like minded people about the daily struggles and joys of parenthood and life in general. What would I do without my digital tribe?
Here’s what I learned. I realized how addicted I am to my phone. I genuinely thought I had pretty good boundaries for my phone use, but clearly it wasn’t enough and it was affecting the way I showed up in life. It’s really easy to get involved in conversations online and forget about the ones that could potentially be in front of you. I also found I didn't handle boredom well. It felt awkward to stand in line or be drinking a cup of tea and not be checking my Facebook feed. How weird that we don’t allow ourselves to become bored. Can this affect our creativity? If we squander away any moment to be alone with ourselves?? I noticed that my boredom would also lead me back to the present. My attention would drift back to my son and I would be more willing to play or be silly on his level. Even in my marriage I noticed how often we would sit together but in our own world and how that left me feeling really disconnected from my husband.
I also noticed that I didn’t get upset as often. Even if I only checked out social media for a couple minutes, there was bound to be some sort of trigger that would take my mind and/or emotions on a roller coaster ride. It doesn't have to be something obviously upsetting, like this year’s election, for example to rile us up, it could be as simple as seeing someone else enjoying something we so desperately want. Like, an engagement, a baby, a family vacation, and so on… All wonderful and beautiful things, but they can make us feel like we are somehow lacking in our own lives. The truth is, no one has as smooth of a life as we project on our online personas. While we know this logically, it doesn’t always feel true at that moment. One day those same pictures can cause us to be joyful and on another day it can cause us to feel lacking.
It was such an interesting experience to disconnect from social media. On the surface, it seems like being fully present in our lives would warrant more peace and serenity. But for me, it didn’t. It was awkward and uncomfortable. It was as if a flood-light was pointing out all the areas I needed to work on. I realized I needed to work on myself, my relationships, and work on the way I was showing up as a parent. It’s so easy to see something on social media and get riled up. Sometimes for good reasons and other time it is for less productive or even hurtful reasons. But when I removed those distractions, the light was on me to really see what I needed to heal. It taught me to not take the quick fix and instead shift the focus to the root cause. It was time to accept where I wasn’t showing up in my life and really modify some old patterns. I needed to clearly understand what I needed and what I wanted in order to thrive. I needed to discover how I could advocate for myself and then turn around and ensure each family member had the support to do the same. Being off social media made my days feel less busy and with that extra space, I was able to get clear on the things that did or didn’t matter to me.
Lastly, I realized just how much I really do love social media!!! I love feeling connected to a bigger community. I love staying in touch with my friends and family with the click of a button. I love sharing what inspires me and motivates me. My biggest take-away from this break from social media, was that I needed to carve out more face-to-face time with my friends, and that I need to feel part of a community, in the flesh, not on the screen. I learned that I needed to only check into social media when I was already feeling good. For me, it can’t be a quick fix or a distraction. That is when I feel more vulnerable to the negative aspects of social media. I need to set limits; set certain time frames to use social media when my son isn't around. This way I can just enjoy being connected, without guilt or consequences. I am committing myself to enjoy less screen time, to approach it with a more centered state of mind, and also reach out to friends to connect in person, despite the schedule challenges that occur. Not only do I need face-to-face time, but if most of my social connections are via the internet, my son doesn’t get included. He doesn't witness or learn from the conversations that are happening. I don’t want him to look back on his childhood and remember me just looking at my phone constantly. By setting clear boundaries and limits with my own social media usage, hopefully I will be able to enjoy the best of both worlds.
