Embracing the squish

Embracing the Squish

This is my second time having a baby, so I know from experience that my body tends to hang on to the baby weight for a while - like a couple years - while.  Even with eating healthy and exercising, my body likes to hold on to its extra padding to make sure there are always enough reserves to make more milk.  Granted, I eat healthy and exercise to feel good, but I don’t diet or do intense workouts because it just doesn’t fit into the lifestyle that I most enjoy.  Even knowing all this and accepting it, my stomach sank when I entered the mall the other day.
        My newborn was asleep in the car with daddy, so big brother and I went in just the two of us.  I felt like I needed the baby with me. A way to show the world that I was a new mom and to excuse the tired eyes, the frumpy outfit, and the lack of personal hygiene. I mean, I was clean but I wasn’t dolled up by any stretch of the imagination. My son and I were searching the mall for some cute nursing shirts and the two stores that were options were miles apart. Maybe not miles, but it sure felt like it.  After a fail at the first store, feeling defeated, I grabbed my toddler’s hand and walked as quickly as we could through the entire mall. Head down and as fast as his little legs could go without me feeling as if I was dragging him. But why?? Why did I feel this way? Why did I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I just had a baby and I didn’t snap back to my pre-pregnancy self, like a celebrity or one of those few lucky moms who pop out a baby and then squeeze right into their jeans the next week?  Why did I feel the need to compare myself to others during this delicate time of readjusting?  At home, I feel fine and beautiful, but it was another story out here in the ‘real’ world.

           A part of me felt so overwhelmed I just wanted to start bawling right there. But I know that this is about accepting what is rather than the desired result. Another part of me just wanted to eat lots of chocolate while getting angry at the media for all the unrealistic beauty standards we women are up against. It’s not just the number on the scale that was the issue. It’s the look and texture of my tummy and breasts. They’re not magazine worthy, but there’s this desire to be as close to “perfect” as we can be. So what is this new momma to do?  Time to take a page out of my favorite parenting book.  Allow yourself to feel your feelings and then turn towards acceptance.  I can’t say that I won’t feel self-conscious about rocking this mom bod, but I am working on having a healthier dialogue with myself. To be grateful, impressed, and respectful of the hard work my body did and continues to do to support my baby and I. I commit myself to celebrating this work, this body, this intermediate style, and this whole phase of life with words of self respect and love. These children are a blessing beyond all measure and I can’t allow my own self-consciousness to diminish this gift.  I know I won’t always feel like this, but I hope that in moments of weakness and embarrassment I can look into their eyes and swell with pride in what my body gave me.  So, cheers to being healthy, happy, and enjoying the upcoming holidays!