How to Handle Those Tricky Conversations this Holiday Season

Thanksgiving is almost here and I wanted to offer some ideas to help reduce stress in these hectic times. As the holidays quickly approach, we prepare ourselves for get-togethers with friends and family, which usually come with a variety of opinions. For example, with the current political landscape the way it is, I am certain it will be a topic of conversation at some point.  What we must remember is that the people we have chosen to spend the holidays with are our friends and family and we hope to strengthen the bond rather than diminish it.  One thing that has become clear to me, regardless of party affiliation, is that we need to change the dialogue around how we discuss these issues.  Everyone wants to feel seen and heard. I believe that’s the way we can move forward and take the right actions that will provide the most healing for all. So, here are some tips on how to handle some of the more tricky conversations we will undoubtedly face this holiday season: 

• First and foremost, let’s be mindful of where the children are. ”little ears grow big corn." We need to keep their sense of safety intact. They need to feel their parents can and will always keep them safe and protected. We should also keep in mind that we are role modeling how to handle conflict resolutions when we engage in these types of conversations.

• Set the mood on a good note by having a gratitude circle. We do this in my family every year and it’s my favorite! It’s even sweeter because my niece, who was four or five at the time, started this tradition. Everyone holds hands and says a couple things they are grateful for. The kids usually have the best answers!  I plan to say how grateful I am to have such a lovely and diverse group of people to call my friends and family. Or something along those lines. 

• Make it your goal to allow people to finish their point before you cut in.  People naturally want to be heard and feel understood. Even if you disagree with what they are saying, try to listen fully and hear their point of view. Hopefully the same courteous will be given to you.  Gandhi was said to be at his best when listening to an opposing view. Channel your inner Gandhi :)

• If you find yourself in a conversation that is getting too heated, remember to breathe. Breathe, breathe, and breathe some more. It’s ok to excuse yourself and sneak to the bathroom to gain composure if you need to.  A thing that really helps me is a prayer for patience and to see this person as my loved one rather than an enemy. Try reciting a prayer like this: “please send me patience and love for this person. I am so triggered right now, but I ask for guidance to see them as a person I deeply care about.”

• Remember you care for this person despite their beliefs and that your children are watching. This doesn’t mean agreeing, but it does mean being respectful of differences.    Again, lets be mindful of how we are role modeling conflict resolution.
  
  

• If you mess up, forgive yourself and forgive them. Come back with a sincere apology when possible.

That’s my game plan for handling tricky conversations this holiday season.  I hope that helps and be sure to check out the video below for a breathing exercise that you can do on the fly in case you need to re-center yourself.